This time my victim was a Indian ayurvedic doctor who had returned(deported!) afresh from UK on his way to nagercoil.
Thomas!
Shadowfax!
Thomas: whats ur designation in XXX?
Shadowfax: !! (I looked down my tag still danging to my belt!) oh umm...software engineer. i removed the ID card and put it in to my bag. and by the way you are....
Thomas: Thomas! BAMS, Phd(UK) deported,defamed last month...
Thomas was one of the unlucky few(16000+ indians facing deportation since the implementation of new rules in the highly skilled immigration plans of UK).
Thomas was one of the brilliant Indian students who went out to UK for his Doctoral studies under the highly skilled immi....wait! who cares who the hell this thomas is? straight in to the topic:
shadow fax: Are they real! this ayurvedic stuff. principle behind eating leaves that were proclaimed to cure deadly symptoms?!
Thomas: yeh! there are treatments to cure some diseases in ayurvedha. what kind of deadly symptoms u mean?
shadow fax: can u cure impotency! aids! brain fever???
thomas: no way...thats not possible!
Rest of our conversation is irrelevant to the current topic.
Dr. thomas a research scientist in ayurvedha from UK says that he is not skilled enough to cure such symptoms. But we have better doctors in tamilnadu who cure such diseases and my pick is "XXX's siddha vaithiya salai". Most TV viewers would know XXX.
The program would start like this
A viewer calls
" ayya enaku innum 6 monthsla kalyanam. ana enaku anmai kuraivu irukunu nenaikiren. ennala en pondatiyoda uravu vachika mudiyathu. ennaya panrathu"
(i am about to get married within the next six months. but i am impotent. i cant have a suuccesful relationship with my wife)
XXX turns angry
" dei edupatta payaley...eruma mattu payaley....enda oru ponnoda valkaiya kedukura...and he scolds him for 5 minutes non stop."
(hey useless fellow...son of a buffalo... why are you spoiling that girls life....)
finally "thambi nan unaku appa mathiri enoda hospitalku vaa nan solra marunthu sapdu unaku nan ellathayum sari panni kuduthudaren. ne ethuvum kavalai padatha nan pathukren. ne onnum enta vara venam ne entha doctors ta venalum pogalam ana angalllam ponina unaku neratharama kolandhai porakathu thaambi. appuram un ishtam. tamilnatla...en indiavulaye intha medicine enga kitta thaan iruku...nanga parambra parambraya intha velaya thaan pakrom"
( son i am like ur father!!! come to my hospital...follow my prescriptions i will cure your defect. you need not come to me you can also go to other doctors as well but if you do that u will be impotent for life!..iam the best in the state...i am the best in the country to treat impotency...and we have been doing this for years!!)
The caller cries and says "saringa appaa neenga solra mariye ketukren. nan tharkolai panikalamnu nenachen. but neenga yenna kapathitinga...maru valkai kuduthutinga...he cries...ayya nan nalaikey ungala vanthu pakren...(he hangs the phone).
(ok daddy i will do as you say...i was about to commit suicide...but you saved me...i am reborn...i will meet you tomorrow)
Any person who has his grey cells still attached to his brains would never beleive this. And i would personnaly recommend sivaraj and that mysterious caller to pursue career in dramatics which i would say will be a grand success.
Shadowfax: Thomas! have any idea how XXX cures impotency??
Thomas: perhaps? he must have got his balls re attached!!
(Laughter!!!)
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Monday, May 7, 2007
Chennai to Madurai by BUS
I should have booked the ticket earlier but I had been so lethargic and confident that I trusted southern railways would not ditch me. But it happened this weekend. I visit madurai most weekends but this time I failed to prebook a ticket in the legendary pandian express. So I was forced to go for on the spot ticket booking @ koyambedu bus stand. I managed to get ticket in the infamous “NATIONAL travels” (truly national...somekinda it happens only in india stuff!).
I asked for the earliest bus. He gave me a ticket in the 9pm bus.
Travelling in a pathetic non A/c air bus for a fare of Rs 570+ and seat no:32 would spell “hell in a cell”.
Surprisingly the bus arrived the stands by 8:45 pm. Unexpected, worth a standing ovation. I had already boarded the bus and found my seat 32(last row as guessed!). The 34 seater bus which must have been cleaned last summer with a haunting smell(that’s not a compliment!) was indeed looking like a mobile hell on earth. But to my awe I saw reebok shoes, N75, k750i, 6600 and mobiles of all colours around me boarding the bus. Guess who they were “the young n proud software pro”. Another example to substantiate the fact that IT professional are soft targets for all kinds of cheating. Who else on this world would give 570+ for a bus that must have been dismantled in the junkyard by then.
As I was calming down my mind there came a guy in pursuit of seat no:35. That’s where all the fun began.
It was 9:30 and still there were no signs of the driver. So I started conversing with my co passenger. He too was a pro like me. We talked about domain, practices, managers, pay, and at some point of time our talk he said why aren’t they still taking the 9:30 bus. I corrected him 9 pm bus. No 10 pm bus some one replied from front. I understood its all the same bus!! The funs over baby! I got down the bus and blasted the driver standing there. And finally we sensed air by 10 pm. The bus started crawling in to the roads of chennai.
“appa tv podamatangala pa” some kid asked
“mothala avan gear pottu ottrananu papom” someone said.
There were laughter everywhere. Truly the driver forgot the fourth gear. The bus crawled out of chennai and reached tambaram checkpost by 11 pm. I got so BORED by then that I slept. It wasn’t a bus ride for sure. By the time I reached madurai I sensed some of my body parts aching. I felt like having travelled riding on shadowfax to madurai. I experienced hell that day. Never would I board that bus again. It looked like one long ride on a dragon roller coaster. “u cheat me. shame on you. u cheat me again then shame on me………”
I asked for the earliest bus. He gave me a ticket in the 9pm bus.
Travelling in a pathetic non A/c air bus for a fare of Rs 570+ and seat no:32 would spell “hell in a cell”.
Surprisingly the bus arrived the stands by 8:45 pm. Unexpected, worth a standing ovation. I had already boarded the bus and found my seat 32(last row as guessed!). The 34 seater bus which must have been cleaned last summer with a haunting smell(that’s not a compliment!) was indeed looking like a mobile hell on earth. But to my awe I saw reebok shoes, N75, k750i, 6600 and mobiles of all colours around me boarding the bus. Guess who they were “the young n proud software pro”. Another example to substantiate the fact that IT professional are soft targets for all kinds of cheating. Who else on this world would give 570+ for a bus that must have been dismantled in the junkyard by then.
As I was calming down my mind there came a guy in pursuit of seat no:35. That’s where all the fun began.
It was 9:30 and still there were no signs of the driver. So I started conversing with my co passenger. He too was a pro like me. We talked about domain, practices, managers, pay, and at some point of time our talk he said why aren’t they still taking the 9:30 bus. I corrected him 9 pm bus. No 10 pm bus some one replied from front. I understood its all the same bus!! The funs over baby! I got down the bus and blasted the driver standing there. And finally we sensed air by 10 pm. The bus started crawling in to the roads of chennai.
“appa tv podamatangala pa” some kid asked
“mothala avan gear pottu ottrananu papom” someone said.
There were laughter everywhere. Truly the driver forgot the fourth gear. The bus crawled out of chennai and reached tambaram checkpost by 11 pm. I got so BORED by then that I slept. It wasn’t a bus ride for sure. By the time I reached madurai I sensed some of my body parts aching. I felt like having travelled riding on shadowfax to madurai. I experienced hell that day. Never would I board that bus again. It looked like one long ride on a dragon roller coaster. “u cheat me. shame on you. u cheat me again then shame on me………”
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