This time my victim was a Indian ayurvedic doctor who had returned(deported!) afresh from UK on his way to nagercoil.
Thomas: whats ur designation in XXX?
Shadowfax: !! (I looked down my tag still danging to my belt!) oh umm...software engineer. i removed the ID card and put it in to my bag. and by the way you are....
Thomas: Thomas! BAMS, Phd(UK) deported,defamed last month...
Thomas was one of the unlucky few(16000+ indians facing deportation since the implementation of new rules in the highly skilled immigration plans of UK).
Thomas was one of the brilliant Indian students who went out to UK for his Doctoral studies under the highly skilled immi....wait! who cares who the hell this thomas is? straight in to the topic:
shadow fax: Are they real! this ayurvedic stuff. principle behind eating leaves that were proclaimed to cure deadly symptoms?!
Thomas: yeh! there are treatments to cure some diseases in ayurvedha. what kind of deadly symptoms u mean?
shadow fax: can u cure impotency! aids! brain fever???
thomas: no way...thats not possible!
Rest of our conversation is irrelevant to the current topic.
Dr. thomas a research scientist in ayurvedha from UK says that he is not skilled enough to cure such symptoms. But we have better doctors in tamilnadu who cure such diseases and my pick is "XXX's siddha vaithiya salai". Most TV viewers would know XXX.
The program would start like this
A viewer calls
" ayya enaku innum 6 monthsla kalyanam. ana enaku anmai kuraivu irukunu nenaikiren. ennala en pondatiyoda uravu vachika mudiyathu. ennaya panrathu"
(i am about to get married within the next six months. but i am impotent. i cant have a suuccesful relationship with my wife)
XXX turns angry
" dei edupatta payaley...eruma mattu payaley....enda oru ponnoda valkaiya kedukura...and he scolds him for 5 minutes non stop."
(hey useless fellow...son of a buffalo... why are you spoiling that girls life....)
finally "thambi nan unaku appa mathiri enoda hospitalku vaa nan solra marunthu sapdu unaku nan ellathayum sari panni kuduthudaren. ne ethuvum kavalai padatha nan pathukren. ne onnum enta vara venam ne entha doctors ta venalum pogalam ana angalllam ponina unaku neratharama kolandhai porakathu thaambi. appuram un ishtam. tamilnatla...en indiavulaye intha medicine enga kitta thaan iruku...nanga parambra parambraya intha velaya thaan pakrom"
( son i am like ur father!!! come to my hospital...follow my prescriptions i will cure your defect. you need not come to me you can also go to other doctors as well but if you do that u will be impotent for life!..iam the best in the state...i am the best in the country to treat impotency...and we have been doing this for years!!)
The caller cries and says "saringa appaa neenga solra mariye ketukren. nan tharkolai panikalamnu nenachen. but neenga yenna kapathitinga...maru valkai kuduthutinga...he cries...ayya nan nalaikey ungala vanthu pakren...(he hangs the phone).
(ok daddy i will do as you say...i was about to commit suicide...but you saved me...i am reborn...i will meet you tomorrow)
Any person who has his grey cells still attached to his brains would never beleive this. And i would personnaly recommend sivaraj and that mysterious caller to pursue career in dramatics which i would say will be a grand success.
Shadowfax: Thomas! have any idea how XXX cures impotency??
Thomas: perhaps? he must have got his balls re attached!!